Behind Hazel Eyes
by NephilimEQ
Summary: REPOSTING! How Buffy and Giles have felt about each other throughout the years, and how hard it's been to hide their true feelings. Please Read & Review!
1. The Slayer

**Behind Hazel Eyes**

_Summary:_ What Buffy and Giles have felt throughout the years towards each other, and how it's been for them to hide it from each other.

_Rating_: PG-13-ish, but it's really not that bad.

_Spoilers_: Pilot, Helpless, A New Man, Forever, Flooded, Tabula Rasa

_Disclaimer_: I do not own any of these characters, though at times I wish...please, Joss, I beg you!

_Author_: E. Quackenbush aka NephilimEQ aka edq-ocd18

_Author's Notes_: I hope you enjoy my reposting of this wildly popular fiction...I've made it better in the earlier chapters now, and it was enjoyable to be able to polish it up for you, my fans!

* * *

**I. ****The Slayer**

* * *

Buffy Summers walked into the Sunnydale High School library, glad that Cordelia Chase had left her alone to go and get her books.

"Hello?" Her words fell silent on the large expanse of the library.

Buffy took a close look at the library: beautifully furnished, nice studying areas, and it had a smell of musty old books, which was to be expected. But it was missing one thing.

A librarian.

Actually, the library was completely devoid of anyone, making her feel slightly uneasy.

"Is anybody here?"

Buffy put her hand on the surface of the checkout counter, noticing that the day's paper was lying on it, with something circled in red. She took a look at it.

It seemed that three local boys were missing. Huh.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, which caused her to turn, putting her face to face with...oh boy.

A quick once over with her eyes and she already liked him. Studious, glasses, and he looked foreign. He had a strong jaw, gentle eyes, and there was something about his mouth that she liked...what it was exactly she didn't know, but she knew that she liked it and that was all that mattered.

"Anybody's here..." she said quickly, masking her emotions.

"Can I help you?" the man said, his eyes quickly taking in her appearance.

Oh god, he had a British accent. That was nearly her undoing, but luckily one of her hands was still on the counter behind her, keeping her legs from collapsing beneath her. She was a sucker for an accent like his. The accent along with the way that he looked and held himself made her suspect that he was more than he seemed.

"I was looking for some, um, well...books. I'm new."

'Well, duh,' she thought to herself. She was still dressed as of she were in L.A., and she knew that it wouldn't go unnoticed. 'Real smooth line, Buffy. I'm sure that he thinks I'm a complete dimwit.'

His look changed to one of pleasant surprise, almost as if he had been expecting her to arrive.

"Ms. Summers?"

Buffy started, surprised that he knew her name, and liking the way that it sounded...and wondering how her first name would sound coming off of those lips.

"Good call. Guess I'm the only new kid, huh?"

He hesitated before continuing speaking, his hand still hovering near his glasses, almost as though he was holding himself back from reaching up and then taking them off and cleaning them vigorously. There was a look in his eyes that made her wonder how he knew her name. It couldn't be that she was new. There had to be plenty of other kids who were also new...this was something else.

"I'm Mr. Giles, the librarian. I was told you were coming." As soon as he finished speaking, he picked up his pace into a brisk walk and headed towards an office to the left of the counter she was leaning on.

She shrugged to herself, unsure of what he was doing. She went ahead and spoke up about the books she needed.

"Great. So, I'm going to need Perspectives on Twentieth Century-"

He interrupted her. "I know what you're after." With those words, he pulled a book out from behind the counter and placed it in front of her: **VAMPYR**

Buffy suddenly changed her mind about being in the library, even though she thought that the librarian was definitely drool-worthy. Even so, this was something that she just couldn't take...no matter how much she wanted to just reach over and feel his arms to see if they were as strong as they looked.

'Oh no,' she thought to herself. 'This can't be happening again. I just got away from all of this in Los Angeles and I'm not going through it again.'

"That's not what I'm looking for."

He gave her a perplexed look, which looked adorable on his fine features.

"Are you sure?" His voice went slightly higher as he spoke this time, and he tilted his head.

She nodded, still not believing that the guy that the first guy that she found attractive since she'd been there in Sunnydale was the one who was going to be her Watcher. This guy in front of her was her...Watcher. It was too hard to get her mind around, too confusing. _Way_ too confusing.

In a small voice she responded. "I'm way sure."

Buffy slowly began to back up, and then quickly turned and headed out of the library, her heels clicking on the cold stone tiles as she hastily made her way to the doors. The entire time, one thought ran through her head...or a memory. Seeing her Watcher, Merrick being killed right in front her eyes. She would get this one killed within days...and she didn't want that to happen again.

Rupert Giles, not noticing, leaned over, put the book away, and stood back up, speaking the entire time.

"My mistake. So what is it you said-?"

He stared in confusion as he watched Buffy Summers exit the library as though the hounds of Hades were nipping at her heels.

* * *

**Part 1/12**


	2. The Watcher

**II. The Watcher**

* * *

Rupert Giles stood in his private collection of books in the library, which were kept in a steel cage. His eyes quickly scanned over the text in front of him, making quick astute notations for later reference.

He then heard footsteps, which was new for him. Students nearly always avoided the library as much as possible.

Then he heard the guest's voice.

"Hello?"

It was definitely a young woman. Giles quickly, but silently, closed his books and slid them onto the table in front of him, turning so he could discreetly observe the individual.

'My god,' he thought to himself as she walked in. His eyes traveled up her legs and body to find a stunningly beautiful and self-possessing young woman standing in his library. She walked with a confidence that most women twice her age didn't have, and he was immediately drawn to it.

She spoke again, turning her head as she did so, looking for someone. "Is anybody here?"

He watched her as she turned to look at the newspaper that he had left on the counter, the one with the article concerning the three young boys that had gone missing from their camp only a few days earlier.

Giles quickly made a decision, and stepped forward, touching his hand to her shoulder to get her attention.

She suddenly turned, surprised.

His eidetic memory worked in overdrive, memorizing her intense hazel eyes, all the way down to her legs in her leather boots. She was familiar...why was she so familiar? He wracked his memory, trying to figure out where he'd seen her before. He knew that he'd seen a picture, but he couldn't place it.

The young woman looked at him a moment before speaking. "Anybody's here..."

"Can I help you?" Giles asked, wondering who she was, possibly if she was the person that the Council had told him was coming.

She hesitated before speaking.

"I was looking for some, um, well...books. I'm new."

Giles was pleasantly surprised as he heard this, but also nervous. This was who he was expected to look after and train, and he was already lusting after her. It was Buffy Summers. The one to whom Merrick had been Watcher to.

He spoke with some hesitation, and it was obvious as the words left his lips. "Ms. Summers?"

Buffy started, surprised that he knew her name. "Good call. Guess I'm the only new kid, huh?"

He hesitated before he decided to jump in with two feet. He knew that to show any signs of nervousness wouldn't do well to give his new Slayer any confidence in him. With a slight grin on his face, he lifted a hand instinctively towards his face for his glasses, but managed to stop himself from taking them off and cleaning them, a nervous habit of hs.

"I'm Mr. Giles, the librarian. I was told you were coming."

With those words, Giles made his way behind the counter, knowing exactly what book she would be needing.

Ms. Summers spoke, completely unaware of what he was doing. "Great. So, I'm going to need Perspectives on Twentieth Century-"

Giles interrupted her, a devilish grin on his face.

"I know what you're after." With those words, he pulled the heavy book out from behind the counter and placed it in front of her.

The look on the young girl's face quickly became one of disdain and resentment, and possibly anger at seeing the book. He didn't understand her reaction, but in the back of his mind he thought that it might have something to do with the fact that with her last Watcher she had seen him killed right in front of her. Possibly bad associations?

She spoke, Giles noting the barely contained fury in her voice. "That's not what I'm looking for."

Giles looked at her, surprised by her actions.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, a look on her face that was tense and filled with an emotion that he couldn't quite place.

"I'm way sure."

He shook his head, surprised. The council must have been wrong about the name. "My mistake."

He then leaned over, putting the book away. He then stood back up, speaking as he did so.

"So, what is it you said-?"

Rupert Giles then stared in confusion as he watched his new charge, Buffy Summers, exit the library at a fast pace, her heels on the cold tile echoing in the room.

* * *

**Part 2/12**


	3. The Secret

**III. The Secret**

* * *

"Okay, what's the sitch?" said Buffy as she stormed into the library, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Sorry?" It was Mr. Giles voice, and it sounded distracted, which was, interestingly enough, somewhat sexy when it was combined with his accent.

"You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?"

Giles made his way around the bookshelves, answering her. "Yes."

Buffy dropped her bag and purse on the empty table and made her way up the small set of stairs to confront him.

"Cause, it's the weirdest thing," she said, trying to gain control over her somewhat crazed thoughts. "He's got two little, little holes in his neck and all his blood's been drained."

She glared at him, but he just stood there, a few books in his hands. Giles stared at her, still taken back by her brazenness, surprised by the way she was acting towards him, as earlier she had stormed out on him, and now she was confronting him with the tenacity that she'd had when she'd left the library.

Her eyes blazed, and he was surprised by how the challenge in them seemed to call out to his inner Ripper. He reined himself in, keeping his emotions in check, his jaw tightening slightly.

Buffy couldn't help but notice how much he seemed to fit into the environment of the library, and it made her look him over once more, faintly noting how well his suit fit him and how controlled his movements were.

She continued to rant, not letting him see what she was doing. "Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going 'Oooh'?"

He stared at her a moment before replying.

"I was afraid of this."

Buffy was miffed at his reaction, but for some reason found it undeniably attractive. "Well, _I_ wasn't. It's my first _day_. I was afraid that I was going to be behind in all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair." She then gave him another look. "I didn't think that there'd be vampires on campus...And I don't care."

Giles turned towards her, a question in his eyes.

"Then why are you here?"

Buffy was taken back at his intense stare, which forced her to notice his eyes. They were and intense green and they seemed to see straight through her...which was rather disconcerting, as she was having some slightly inappropriate thoughts, and she prayed that he couldn't see them written on her face,

Little did she know, that he was having the same reaction to her, while at the same time berating himself. She was only sixteen years old! He was twice her age!

She shrugged, her mouth moving before she had time to think out a reason. "To tell you that...I don't care. Which, I don't...and have now told you. So...bye."

Buffy turned, leaving in a rush, feeling like an idiot.

But Giles spoke. "Is he-will he rise again?"

She turned in a huff. "Who?"

"The boy."

"No, he's just dead," she said explaining.

"Can you be sure?" he said in that sexy British accent of his, giving her a look that raised her body temperature at least five degrees.

She continued to explain, despite her body's reaction to him. "To make you a vampire, they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly, they're just gonna kill you..._Why_ am I still talking to you?" She made her voice sound as if she could care less, while in truth her heart was going just a little faster at being in close proximity to him. Buffy started to walk away.

His voice lowered several octaves into a deep baritone, which sent a few shivers down her spine as he began to lecture her.

"You really have no idea what's going on, do you? Do you think it's coincidence, your being here? That boy was just the beginning."

The last sentence caused Buffy to turn.

"Oh, why can't you people just leave me alone?"

He glared at her from the banister, his voice going ever lower, causing her insides to melt a little as he spoke to her.

"Because you are the Slayer. Into each generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen one. One born with-"

She cut him off, knowing that if he continued speaking she wouldn't be able to contain her emotions, as the low tone of his voice was causing her insides to do odd things. She continued the rest of it on her own.

"The strength and skill to hunt the vampires. To stop the spread of their evil, blah, blah, blah. I've heard it okay?"

He let out a sound of frustration.

"I really don't understand this attitude, you-you've accepted your duty. You've slain vampires before."

She took out her frustrations on him as she spoke.

"Yeah, and I've both been there and done that, and I'm moving on."

He tried to speak, still not understanding this girl's perspective on things. He finally knew what to say.

"What do you know about this town?" He walked towards his office in the back, pulling out several different book volumes.

She shrugged to herself. "It's two hours on the freeway from Neiman-Markus?"

He shuffled about as he spoke, trying to find the books he needed. "Dig a bit into the history of this place, and you'll find a-a, a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. Now, I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy. That things gravitate towards it that-that you might not find elsewhere." He was stuttering as he spoke, sounding almost excited, his eyes lighting up.

"Like vampires?" said Buffy, still not understanding what the British man was trying to tell her.

"Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi! Everything that you dreaded that was under your bed, but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real."

She stared at him, now loaded down with books, slightly amused, and still afraid by the fact that her body was reacting to just the smell of his aftershave.

"What? Did you like send away for the time-life series?" She kept her voice light and flippant, trying not to let him get to her.

He hesitated before answering. "Uh, um, uh-Yes."

"Did you get the free phone?"

He shook his head, still taken aback by the young woman before him. "Um, the calendar."

"Cool," said Buffy, still trying to figure Giles out, dumping the books in her arms onto the library table. "Okay, but first of all, I'm a _vampire_ slayer. And secondly, I'm retired." Buffy then became somewhat flippant as she spoke again. "Hey, I know! Why don't _you_ kill them?"

Giles became flustered again. "B-but, I'm a Watcher. I haven't the skills."

She goaded him. "Oh, c'mon. A little stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log."

He protested. "A Slayer slays, a Watcher-"

"Watches?"

"Yes, n-no! He, he trains her. He, he, he prepares her-"

Buffy rounded on him, anger flashing in her eyes, remembering the last time that her Watcher had trained her and prepared her. How, in the end, none of it had mattered as she'd been unable to save his life. How she'd stood there as Merrick had been killed right in front of her eyes, and she'd done nothing to stop it.

The anger in her voice was evident. "He prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life, and never getting to tell _anyone_ because I might 'endanger' them? Go ahead...prepare me."

Giles stood there, dumbstruck. Completely at a loss for words, as he finally realized the harsh reality of what life was like for this young slayer.

She let out a frustrated sigh, grabbed her bag, and stormed out.

Giles stood there a moment, realizing that he hadn't exactly been tactful.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath, angry with himself for not thinking.

He went after her.

Unbeknownst to him, Alexander Harris, the same young man that had helped Buffy earlier that day, had been hidden in the stacks the entire time, listening to and hanging on to every word. He walked out and stared at the now empty library.

"What?"

* * *

**Part 3/12**


	4. The Connection

**IV. The Connection**

* * *

Buffy looked up from talking to Willow Rosenberg and saw her new Watcher looking very out of place on the upper balcony of the Bronze.

She shifted away from Willow, quickly sliding off her chair and spotting the stairs that led up to where Giles was.

"Um, I'll be back in a minute."

"Well, uh, now that's okay. You don't have to come back."

Buffy turned to her new friend, giving her a dubious look. "I'll be back in a minute."

Buffy wound her way through the intense crowd that was filling up the back area of the Bronze, as well as the dance floor.

As she made her way towards the stairs, she couldn't help but feel somewhat proud of her Watcher. Not many men his age would have the guts to arrive in a place such as this without worrying about being ridiculed. She knew that he was there because of what she'd said to him earlier, but she didn't care.

She paused for a moment, thinking about it. Then why was she going to talk to him?

Maybe her new Watcher _did_ care about being ridiculed, but he didn't care at that moment because his need to see Buffy was so urgent.

On that thought she became tingly. The sensation was all over her body until it soon settled as a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach, one that she tried to desperately ignore.

She tried to ignore it as she ascended the stairs, wondering why he had to speak to her so urgently that he came to the Bronze in his tweed.

Buffy quickly came up with a witty opening phrase, not wanting things to be awkward between them.

"So, you like to party with the students. Isn't that kind of skanky?"

'Oh god, did I actually just call him skanky?' she thought to herself as the words flew out of her mouth. Sometime she felt that she just shouldn't speak, and this was one of those moments. Where the words just came out and then left her there feeling like a total bitch and a complete idiot.

He looked up at her from where he leaned on the metal railing; seeming more comfortable with the environment than many other adults would, as if he'd had experience in it.

"Oh right, this is me having fun. Watching...clown-hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party."

Giles words came out with sarcasm lacing them like thick icing. As he looked at his Slayer, he couldn't help but notice how she looked so much more...attainable, in the dark half-light of the club's atmosphere.

"I'd much rather be at home with a cup of bovrin and a good book."

'And not with me?' she thought. Her words said otherwise. "You need a personality, stat."

He began to chew her out, the entire time stealing glances at her figure in her outfit, hoping his looks would go unnoticed in the dim lighting. The skirt she was wearing was even shorter than the one that she'd been wearing when he'd first met her, which he thought was practically impossible, but apparently not.

His voice was low as he spoke. "This is a perfect breeding ground for vampire activity. It's dark, it's crowded...and besides, I knew you were likely to show up and I have to make you understand!"

She began messing with the drink in her hand as she spoke to him. "That the Harvest is coming, I know! Your friend told me."

Giles paused, completely at a loss as to what she was talking about.

"What did you say?"

She sounded miffed as she spoke. "The Harvest. That mean something to you, 'cause I'm drawing a blank."

He stuttered as he answered. "I-I'm not sure. Who told you this?" He raised his voice at the end of his question in order to be heard over the noise.

Buffy shrugged.

"This guy. Dark, gorgeous, in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds." She gave him a slightly confused look as she spoke, wondering what was going on...and why an odd look passed across his face when she had mentioned that the guy she had talked to was gorgeous.

"No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else?"

Buffy shrugged again, a habit Giles was starting to find annoying, yet quite endearing at the same time.

"Something about the _mouth_ of _Hell._ I _really_ didn't like him."

She turned away from him, leaning on the railing, looking down at the chaos that was called having a social life.

Giles thought for a moment, wondering if he had heard the phrase before, but then saw Buffy staring and decided to show her what he expected of her. He walked around behind her, his arms on either side of her, hands resting on the railings, moving his lips close to her ear so that he could be heard above the din.

'Only so she can hear me more easily,' he told himself. But at the same time, both of them were aware of their nearness, and neither of them did anything to change it.

"Look at them. Throwing themselves about, completely unaware of the danger that surrounds them."

Buffy felt his close proximity and relished in an excuse to be that close to him. To feel his breath against her neck, and his chest nearly touching her back, even if it wasn't exactly the way she wanted.

"Lucky them," she muttered, wishing that she could be as ignorant of her own fate.

"Or perhaps you're right," Giles said, sounding as if he didn't believe a word he was saying. "Perhaps there is no trouble coming. The signs could be wrong. It's not as though you've been having the nightmares."

She froze at his words, realizing he knew more than she did. He knew what was haunting her mind each night as she slept, the feeling of having her blood drained, of a deep, dank cavern.

He still stood behind her, making her senses more aware of his presence with every passing second. With her Slayer sense of smell, it just made it harder. Buffy could smell the faint scent of leather, which made her wonder whether or not he had a leather jacket. His breath tickled her skin, and warmed it at the same time, causing a flush to move across her cheeks, which luckily went unnoticed in the dark shadows. She stared at his hands on the railing next to her own.

He had beautiful hands, an artist's hands. She tightened her grip on the railing, holding herself back from lacing her fingers through his.

Giles wasn't doing much better. He stood there, like a stone, unwilling to move from his position. From where he was, he could smell her hair and her skin.

He caught the faint scent of strawberries...and there was something else. He wasn't sure what it was, but it seemed to call out to him...as though it wanted him to come just a little bit closer, daring him to cross that line.

Whatever is was, it reminded him of summer storms brewing on horizons. A controlled power, waiting to be unleashed.

Just like her. The Slayer.

That's what she reminded him of: a storm. A storm that was sweeping his feet out from under him, leaving him lying on his back, helpless to resist the all encompassing force that threatened to take him over.

* * *

**Part 4/12**


	5. The Cruciamentum

**V. The Cruciamentum**

* * *

"I can't be helpless like that," Buffy said, tears starting to spill. "Giles, please. We have to figure out what's happening to me."

She looked up at him imploringly, wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

Giles reluctantly pulled out the serum from his carrying case, opening it and placing it on the table in front of her. He then began to speak.

"It's an organic compound of muscle relaxants and adrenal suppressors." He closed his carrying case as he continued to speak. "The effect is temporary. You'll be yourself again in a few days..."

Buffy reached a hand towards the case that held her demise.

"You..." It was all she could get out. She couldn't even look him in the eye as he took a deep breath before continuing.

"It's a test, Buffy. It's given to the Slayer once she," he paused, correcting himself. "Or _if_ she reaches her eighteenth birthday." Giles took another breath, wondering if she would ever forgive him for doing what he had done to her. "The Slayer is...disabled. And entrapped with a...a vampire foe, whom she must defeat in order to pass the test."

A silence ensued between them, forcing Giles to tell her the rest. The part she didn't want to hear.

"The vampire you were to face, has escaped. His name is Zachary Kralick. As a mortal, he murdered, tortured more than a dozen women, before he was committed to an asylum for the criminally insane. When a vamp-"

Suddenly the serum hit the wall right next to his head, obviously thrown by Buffy who had become more incensed as he had spoken.

She stood up, shedding her blanket.

"You bastard...all this time you saw what it was doing to me. All this time and you didn't say a word!"

Giles could hear the venom in her words as she spoke to him.

"I wanted to..."

"_Liar_..." The venom in her voice seemed to hit him in his gut, but he continued to explain.

Giles protested his innocence. "In matters of tradition and protocol, I must answer to the Council." He walked towards Buffy, his voice trembling as he spoke. "My role in this was very specific. I was to administer the injections, and direct you

to the old boarding house on Prescott Lane-"

She cut him off, not believing the words she was hearing, her hands in her hair holding her head as she tried to process what he was saying.

"I can't, I can't hear this..."

"Buffy, please..."

She shook her head, finally lifting her tear-stained eyes to his. She was trying to understand as to why he had done this to her. It seemed more than just a betrayal...but she didn't know why. She knew, though, that if he were a father figure to her then this wouldn't hurt as much. It reminded her when...when Angel had just turned and had told her that it was a good time.

Why did it feel as though he had-had cheated on her in some way?

"Who are you? How could you do this to me?"

Giles heart tore when he heard her words, and he began to walk towards her. "I am deeply sorry, Buffy, and you have to understand-"

"If you touch me, I'll kill you."

Giles gut wrenched, in pain at her words. "You have to listen to me," he said, in an attempt to gain her trust. "Because I've told you this, the test is invalidated. You will be safe now, I promise you. Now whatever I have to do to deal with Kraaling, and to win back your trust-"

She stopped him.

"You stuck a needle in me...you poisoned me!"

Giles stared, gaping like a fish, trying to find words, and then...Cordelia had to walk in. The mood that had been tense only seconds before, now became awkward, and neither of them could find the words to speak, but Cordelia easily found words and seemed to make the awkwardness drag out for an eternity.

"What's going on?" She looked at them and sighed. "Oh god, is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother."

Buffy lowered her own tear-filled green eyes, from Giles' own and turned to leave the library.

Giles spoke, worried about her.

"You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe."

Her next words cut him to the core, making the final tear in his heart, forcing it to fall into two pieces. "I don't know you..."

He heard nothing else after that. The rest was empty noise. All he could focus on were the wounds in his heart that he was afraid were never going to heal. He knew that words were spoken between Cordelia and Buffy, and Cordelia spoke to him once more, but his mind registered nothing but the empty noise.

Giles then thought of Buffy, and realized that he wouldn't forgive himself if he were her either. He had committed the ultimate betrayal.

After Cordelia and Buffy were gone, he went into his office and sat at his desk, letting his head fall into his hands.

"Oh, Buffy," he moaned into his hands. "Please forgive me..."

* * *

**Part 5/12**


	6. The Conversation

**VI. The Conversation**

* * *

"I understand you're upset-"

Buffy cut him off, the bitterness and venom in her voice so strong that it felt like a palpable entity. "You understand nothing."

Giles couldn't help but feel a small source of pride, as he heard Buffy berate Quentin Travers.

"You set that monster loose and he came after my mother!"

Travers' next words made Giles' fists clench, and he had to physically hold himself back from reaching forward and grabbing the man where he stood and then mashing him into a pulp. It quite literally took all of his strength to stay quiet and still, right where he stood, not interfering, though every fiber of his being wanted to lash out.

"You think the test was unfair."

What Buffy said next made a feral grin make its' way across Giles' lips.

"I think you'd better leave town before I get my strength back."

Quentin Travers shook his head, unwavering. "We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers. We're fighting a war."

Giles then spoke up, his words hard and grim, unable to keep himself in check any longer. "You're waging a war, she's fighting it, there is a difference."

"Mr. Giles, if you don't mind-" Giles cut him off. "The test is done, we're finished."

"Not quite."

Travers' words threw him off balance, wondering what else the Council member had to say.

"She passed, you didn't," said Travers, a smirk appearing on his features. "The Slayer is not the only one who must perform in this situation. I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed, that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately." The smugness coming from him was disgusting.

Buffy could barely believe the words that this man was saying.

"You're fired."

They were taking him away from her and she couldn't believe it. She stared at Giles as he took the news.

Giles stood there, stunned at what he was saying, unsure of how to react, but at the same time wondering if Quentin had seen it. Had he seen the way that he looked at his Slayer, at the way he felt towards her, though she didn't return his affections? No, it wasn't possible...and yet...

"On what grounds?" he asked boldly, wanting to know the reason.

Travers seemed smug as he answered. "Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment."

Giles stood stock still as he heard the next words that Travers spoke.

"You have a father's love for the child...and that is useless to the cause."

Buffy stared at Giles, wondering if it was true, while Giles merely cursed the man for being blind as to what kind of love for Buffy he really had. Travers knew what it was, but then again, the Council did always turn a blind eye to these sorts of things. He and Travers shared a look, which told Giles all he needed to know. Travers knew that it was nothing like a father's love that he had for Buffy.

"It would be best if you have no further contact with the Slayer."

Giles lifted his head, defiant. "I'm not going anywhere."

"No, well I didn't expect you would adhere to that," said Travers, sounding unsurprised. "However, if you interfere with the new Watcher, or countermand his authority in any way...you will be dealt with. Are we clear?"

"Oh, very clear."

Travers turned back to Buffy, glad to have Rupert Giles out of the way. He gave a half-bow to Buffy as he spoke. "Congratulations, again."

With those words, Buffy looked up at him, her eyes dry and filled with a cold fury.

"Bite me."

Travers gave a grim laugh. "Yes, well. Colorful girl."

With those parting words, he left the library, leaving Buffy and Giles alone once again.

Buffy raised a hand to her forehead, and then winced as she encountered the wound that she had incurred during the fight.

She reached a shaky hand for the washcloth in the basin on the table, but Giles beat her to it. He took the cloth in hand and knelt before her, cleaning the wound with a tenderness and care that shook her to the core. She didn't raise her eyes at first, not wanting to take the chance of seeing something that didn't mirror her own feelings, but she finally did.

Buffy looked at his eyes, trying to see if what Quentin Travers had said about Giles was true...if he had a father's love. His eyes accidentally caught her own, and he looked away quickly.

Her heart leapt, and also began a nervous flutter at what she saw. That look had definitely not been fatherly. She recognized that kind of look.

It was one that a grieving lover would have, not a father.

Buffy was thrilled and scared at the prospect at the same time. She had harbored her secret for too long, wanted him for too long. Her love for Angel had been nothing compared to what she had felt for Giles for all these years.

Angel had been her desperate attempt to get her mind away from Giles, but it had been futile, and she knew it. Hell, even Angel had seen it. That had been the real reason why he'd left. He'd made up his mind before her mom had had anything to say about it. Buffy had known all about it, which had made it a bit easier.

He had heard her cry out Giles' name during her worst nightmares, not his. And the one time they had made love, which had ended in disaster, she had cried out Giles' name, not Angel's.

They had both known the score, but Buffy wasn't sure what to do about it.

She reached her hand towards Giles.

"Giles..." She spoke softly, trying to grab his attention.

He looked up. "Yes?" His emotions were guarded, kept in check, and Buffy was unable to tell what he was thinking.

"Thank you...for everything."

He lowered his eyes, ashamed. "Buffy, I'm the last person that you should be thanking. If it weren't for me, you would never have been in this situation. If anything, I..."

His voice dropped, and Buffy put a tender hand on his arm. "If anything what, Giles?"

He hesitated before finishing his sentence, at the same time putting the cloth back into the basin. "If anything, I should be begging for your forgiveness in what I've inflicted upon you, and your mother. It's all my fault." His hand faltered for a moment, but then he continued, thought a tad bit more hesitant than before.

Buffy shook her head. "No, Giles. It's not. The Council forced you to do this; you didn't know what would happen. In the end, you came through...and that's what matters."

He still was unable to meet her eyes. Buffy took control by placing a gentle hand under his chin, raising his eyes to hers. The look of grief and pain in his eyes was enough to make her weep, but she held back the tears.

"Giles...Rupert," she corrected. "You regretted what you did, and you did the best you could to change it in the end. _That's_ what matters...not what anyone else thinks. What matters is that you made it right."

Giles closed his eyes and a few tears made their way from under his lids. Those were the sweetest words that he could ever hear. It was as if she wasn't just forgiving him for this one time, but as if she were forgiving his entire past mistakes. Everything that he had ever done in his life...gone, forgotten, forgiven, finished.

It was at that point that he broke down. The tears streamed down his face, and Buffy pulled him to her. She just held him in her arms, knowing that the time wasn't right, but one day...one day it would be. And that it would be a great day for both of them. A time for them to forget their pasts and mistakes, and to move on with their lives...together.

She softly smiled, her chin on top of his head while his arms were wrapped around her waist, finding comfort in her embrace. She knew she loved him...and maybe he already loved her. But now was not their time.

Both of them still needed time to heal...and to forgive. And eventually, they would have each other...

* * *

**Part 6/12**


	7. Recognition

**VII. Recognition**

* * *

Buffy stared at Giles from across the room, watching him eye the shirt that he was wearing with disdain in his eye. It was obvious that he had a low opinion of Ethan's taste in clothes as he touched a hand to the fabric and pulled it slightly away from his body, as if attempting to rid it of its' ugliness.

She walked behind Ethan, making a point to hit him with her knee as she went past. She then passed Riley, who was talking on the phone, and then moved to stand next to Giles.

She hesitated a moment before asking, knowing that it was somewhat of a stupid question, but she asked anyway.

"You okay?"

He glanced up at her with a slightly sheepish expression, just barely able to meet her eyes. "Oh, um, uh, embarrassed, mostly. Ethan's wardrobe's not helping any." At that point, he turned to face her fully. It was obvious to her that it didn't seem to matter what he wore, he still looked good in it. Even in _that_ shirt.

His voiced hitched slightly as he asked the question that was so openly written on his face. "Um, how did you know it was me?"

She knew that this was an opportunity, a chance. The one that she had mentioned nearly over a year before...and now here it was. However, the question was, would she take it? She hesitated a brief moment, and then answered him in all honesty.

"Your eyes..."

She knew what she wanted to say next, but then she was reminded of the other person in the room at the sound of scuffling. It wasn't Ethan that she was noticing, but Riley. Could she say it in front of him, did she have the nerve? That was when she realized...she couldn't. It wasn't their time yet, even though she had hoped.

But Giles never had to know the truth behind her words. Giles would never have to know that she had willingly sacrificed what might be their only moment.

She was taking a chance, but she felt that it wasn't quite their' time yet. She didn't what it was that made her do it, but the words left her mouth without thinking.

"...You're the only person in the world that can look _that_ annoyed with me."

She tried to portray the truth of her feelings in her eyes, attempting to express in them everything that she was unable to say, but wanted him to know. He seemed to understand, and they shared a brief moment.

Both of them were unaware of the fact that Ethan was watching them intently, observing their body language. He, of course, was entirely unsurprised. She was the reason why he had done everything to his old friend throughout the years. He wanted his friend back, that was it, but _she_ had to get in the way.

Watching them, he knew that both of their hearts were taken...by each other. He couldn't help but feel a bit of smug satisfaction even as he was told that he was being taken into custody by the United States Military. He would be out of it soon enough.

He was "escorted" out to the vehicle, and he could hear Ripper coming along behind him, obviously wanting to see the show.

Giles watched as Ethan was put into the vehicle, and he was slightly disappointed that Ethan didn't put up a struggle and instead willingly let himself be put into the armored car. He then saw Ethan give him a look.

He walked over to where Ethan was, and leaned in slightly. As much as he sometimes hated what Ethan stood for, he couldn't help but miss him at times, especially times such as now when he could see, for a brief moment, the Ethan that he used to know showing through his old friend's eyes.

"Rupert..."

Giles was surprised at Ethan's soft tone...and the use of his first name. This was enough to have him wondering as to what Ethan had to say. He gave him a look, and Ethan continued.

"I didn't mean to turn you into a demon, actually. The spell was a permanent reversal of age to fixed point. However, if you fuck up the translation...well, pretty much anything can happen. It was in Gaelic, and you know how bad I am at Gaelic." At this, Giles looked at him with surprise, and Ethan knew that he had him.

"You deserve it, Rupert. They treat you like a doormat...and you don't deserve that. You're too good of a man to be treated that way. Only I get to do that." He ended this last part with a grin.

Giles continued to stare, and then sighed, resignedly.

"I hate it when you're like this Ethan...it makes it so much harder for me to try to hate you."

Ethan just continued to smile, but it softened to an almost sad one at that as he realized that it wasn't that he didn't know what he had, it was that he _did_ know...and he did nothing to change it. Ethan knew that there was going to be a point in which his friend would need to make an important choice.

It would be a turning point in Rupert Giles life...and that was one thing that Ethan _didn't_ want to mess up...

* * *

**Part 7/12**


	8. Always There

**VIII. Always There**

* * *

Buffy was tired. She was mentally exhausted, but there were still things to finish.

She shifted in her chair, and heard the movements of Giles in the other room as he walked from the kitchen into the dining room and sat down next to her, placing the cordless phone on the table. Just his presence was enough to sustain her.

He moved in next to her, showing her the places that he had found for florists. That's what he'd been doing in the kitchen originally; talking on the phone and making the calls that needed to be made. Doing the things that he knew that she had no energy or patience for at the moment.

"I checked prices at different florists, and the funeral home seems to be fairly competitive." That was all he said, but she knew that doing these kinds of things was his way of dealing with his own emotions.

She turned in her chair, looking down at the paper he placed just on the table. It was written in his beautiful penmanship, and she inwardly smiled. He put care into everything he did, even if it was just writing down a few notes.

Buffy sighed, collecting her thoughts. "Let's just go with that, it's easier."

He nodded, pulling the paper back towards him and making a few notes on it. At that point, Dawn spoke up. "What color flowers?"

Buffy looked confused for a moment, her sister's words taking a moment to register. Giles' arm moved onto the back of her chair, his hand reaching across the back and lightly touching her left shoulder in an unspoken gesture of support. Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

"Uh, white." She looked at Giles, his soft gaze reassuring. "They're nice."

He nodded, agreeing, his countenance warming her with that smile that seemed to come only from his eyes. "Yes."

She turned in her chair once more, towards Giles. She needed to feel him close to her. "Uh, what about an announcement? People are gonna be expecting a wake after the burial unless we say something."

Giles slid his arm off the back of the chair, sliding his glasses back into place. Buffy could feel his warmth, and that was what she needed at the moment. "Um, well, we could put a...a line in the program expressing your mother's preference not to have one..." Buffy silently agreed, nodding her head.

Willow looked up in surprise. "There's no wake?"

Buffy shook her head. "Mom didn't like them. She said that potlucks are depressing enough as it is." Dawn, at the other end of the table, looked up from her untouched plate of food. "She said that? When?"

The older girl looked down the table, her mind just barely registering the words that her sister had said. Well, she had to know sooner or later, and Buffy figured that there wasn't really any other time to tell her. "Uh, right before she went in for the operation. We had a talk about what she wanted...in case..."

She looked down, unable to finish the sentence, though everyone knew exactly what she meant.

Dawn still seemed to be shocked. "She never said anything to me."

At that point, Xander piped in, trying to reassure Dawn in the only way that he could think of. Logic. "I'm sure she just didn't want to upset you, Dawnster. Now you better get to work on that dinner. You barely touched it."

Buffy agreed and voiced it. "You really should eat something." But her words fell on deaf ears as she heard Dawn reply with the response Buffy wasn't, so why should she? Buffy couldn't think for much longer and she wasn't sure if anything was going to go right. She closed her eyes for a moment and concentrated on the strong form next to her, drawing on his silent strength.

She then spoke. "This isn't about..."

Suddenly, the phone on the table in front of her rang, breaking off her words. She looked at it with disdain, and then looked to Giles.

"I'm all phoned out...will you? Unless it's my dad." He nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. "Of course." With that, he picked up the phone and answered it. After a few moments of words, Buffy could tell that it wasn't her father.

She sighed, and let her thoughts go back...unaware for a moment, merely thinking about Giles. He wasn't her father, and she still couldn't understand why everyone was always forcing him into a parental role. She had a father...who wasn't exactly the pinnacle of good parenting, but she still loved him.

Giles was everything else, but that. He was a guide, a mentor...and recently over the past year, a best friend.

He was the kind of friend who kept on giving, and giving...and giving. And Buffy felt miserable at the fact that all she seemed to do sometimes was take. He was her rock, but at the same time, she was his.

She had learned more about him in the past year then she had in the past four years. And admired him even more.

God, how in the world did he put up with her? She then remembered. He loved her, that's how. And she loved him. They loved each other, and they knew each other in every way...except in the most intimate of ways. Everyday they skirted that edge, and she knew that it was there, as did he.

Where he used to never touch, he now did. They hugged more often, and they let their' hands touch when one of them needed comfort. They were so close...but so far, and Buffy could feel that gaping hole in her heart.

But when she would have the chance to let him fill it...she didn't know...

* * *

**Part 8/12**


	9. Missing Piece

**IX. Missing Piece**

* * *

Buffy sat in the magic shop, books in front of her, but her eyes weren't focused anywhere.

The rest of the Scooby gang was around the table as well, researching, trying to find out what demon had tagged along for the ride in her cross-dimensional transit back to this world. She could hear Dawn speaking.

"What's the list?" Anya was the first to answer. "Possible hitchhikers."

The rest of the group's attention was on her, not on Buffy, leaving her alone with her thoughts as they began discussing what was the most likely scenario. The moment, like so many times when she had researched with Giles in the past, made her feel slightly nostalgic. Her thoughts turned to Giles.

She missed him. God, how she missed him.

If he were here...it would seem, even for a little while, that she had a small piece of heaven on earth. Something of what she had been pulled out of.

The group continued to discuss options while memories flitted through her mind. Memories that she knew would give her some comfort. Him saving her from Amy's mom, him gently waking her up after she fell asleep helping to research. The soft touch of his hand on her shoulder when her world had been falling around her.

All of it seemed so far away, but still fresh in her mind. She had a hole inside of her, and she knew that Giles was what was needed to fill it.

Everybody here cared about her, yes, but none of them loved her unconditionally for who she was.

There was a lull in the conversation of the rest of the group, so she spoke up.

"I miss Giles."

Willow looked up, surprised by Buffy speaking as she had been quiet the entire time that they had been talking. She quickly reassured Buffy, telling her that she had taken care of it. "Oh. He's coming back, I talked to him. I know I'm kind of a poor substitute, but until then, we'll get it done."

She looked at Willow, and then at everyone else. They just didn't get it. She missed Giles for who he was, not what he did.

Suddenly, she just couldn't deal with it. She needed to get out, to clear her head from the beehive of emotions that was bombarding her from every angle.

"I think I should patrol."

With those words, she put down the book that had been resting in her hands, and stood up, not noticing the hurt look on Willow's face. Willow attempted to cover. "Well, I know we'll find something soon." Buffy absently nodded her head, not really paying attention to anything around her.

"Yeah..."

Xander suddenly spoke up, wanting to be of help, feeling somewhat useless. "Uh, do you want us to go with you?"

Anya piped up, encouraging as well. "We can do that."

The words hit her ears, but she didn't really hear them. All she wanted was to be able to think about Giles for a while, spend some time remembering him on her own without her friends' voices superimposing over her memories of him. "No. I...I need to go. Sorry."

She vaguely heard Dawn say something behind her, but she wasn't really paying attention. The only thought in her mind was Giles...

* * *

**Part 9/12**


	10. To Be In Your Arms

**X. To Be In Your Arms**

* * *

Buffy was through with her anger, so she left the training room, Willow right along side her.

As she walked out, Dawn, who was sitting at the table, raised a book towards her, pointing at a picture on the page. "This your guy?"

Buffy was surprised. They let her research with them? When had that started happening, and who had said that it was okay? "You do research now? Want a cappuccino and a pack of cigarettes to go with it?" Dawn sighed exasperatedly, and just pointed at the picture again.

"Would you just look at the picture?"

Buffy leaned in slightly, getting a closer look, while listening to Xander's typical odd comments. "Doesn't exactly fit the profile of your typical bank robber." A funny comment came into Buffy's head and she decided to voice it, trying to get back into Buffy persona that they all knew and loved.

"Maybe they turned down his loan application."

She shared a smile with Willow for a brief moment, and then looked back at the book that Dawn held up. "That's him. Big bad. This thing was strong, guys. No weapons that I could see, but..."

She noticed movement out of the corner of her eye near the front door. No...it couldn't be...but...it was...

"...still...real...dangerous..."

Her voice trailed off as she stared at the man who had now dropped the bags he had been holding, and was now staring at her as if they were the only two people in the room. At that point, everyone noticed her staring at something, and they all turned their heads to see Rupert Giles standing in the front of the store.

She stared at him, and they both began walking forward at the same instant, as if a magnetic force were pulling them together.

All that she could see, was him.

Within moments, they were face to face, so close that she could practically feel his breath on her face.

"Oh God...Buffy."

Those were the only words that were spoken as he then wrapped her up in his arms. She couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe it...but she knew it was true. Here she was, wrapped up in the arms of a man that she had loved for so long, and had never had the chance to say goodbye to.

The instant that his hands had touched her, she felt her heart truly beat. It had been as though nothing had been real until that very moment.

She held him tightly, not wanting to let him go, afraid that he was mirage that her mind had conjured up for her in a fit of desperation. His scent hit her with sweet strength, and she reveled in it.

It was tea and scotch. Leather and cotton. Fresh rain and old parchment. Everything that was Giles.

He began to speak. "You're alive...you're here...and you're still..." His voice sounded strained as he finished his sentence. "...remarkably strong." That was when she realized at how tightly she was holding onto him, as if when she let go he would dissipate as though he never existed.

"Huh? Oh." She realized her grip was too strong and pulled back. "Sorry."

After she had pulled back, she looked at his expression. There was nothing but love in it...and it was all directed towards her. He kept contact with her, a hand on each of her shoulders, as if unwilling to relinquish contact for a second, in fear that it was all a dream...and she was grateful for it.

"Willow told me, but I didn't really let myself believe..." His voice trailed, but she knew what he meant.

Buffy shrugged, trying to make light of it, the only way of staving off the tears that wanted to fall so desperately. "I take a little getting used to. I'm still getting used to me."

Giles stuttered, trying to sort out everything that had happened.

"It's, uh...you're..."

She gave a half smile. "A miracle?"

At those words, a soft smile lit upon his features, and it was exactly what Buffy needed to see at that moment. She hadn't seen him smile for the longest time when they had been fighting Glory over the past month before she had...died. With the expression still on his face, he reached up with his left hand, gently placing it along her jaw line.

Buffy thought for sure that he would kiss her...but then she realized that he was physically restraining himself from doing so, specifically because everyone else was there.

To her, it didn't matter...but she just gave him another small smile, telling him wordlessly that she understood.

He was back...and that was all that she needed to go on living...

* * *

**Part 10/12**


	11. Tearing My Heart Out

**XI. Tearing My Heart Out**

* * *

Buffy couldn't believe what he had just told her. He couldn't be doing this to her. Not now. Not after everything she had been through...it wasn't fair.

"I have to." The words registered, but they carried no meaning to her. They were empty and hollow...a pathetic excuse for leaving her like this. For leaving her after just finding out that she was in heaven. Where was the logic in that? If she had been in hell, it would have been easier for her to adjust because she would have been thrilled to be back, but that wasn't the case.

"Uh huh..." But she had been in heaven, torn back into a place where her life was nothing but violence and pain. She sat down on the pile of mats behind her, trying to understand, but failing to see the logic.

Giles began to speak again. "You have to be strong. I'm, I'm trying to..."

She couldn't take it. Buffy stood up, anger flashing in her eyes. "Trying to, to what? Desert me? Abandon me? Leave me all alone when I really need somebody?"

Giles could hear the venom in her voice and he wasn't too surprised, but it was just as hard for him to say the words. He didn't want to do this...but he had to. It was the only way to keep her from self destructing, from never trying again...even if she didn't see it. He was doing this for _her_.

"I don't want to leave..."

She cut him off. "So don't. Please don't." She moved from where she was sitting on the mats onto the couch, next to him. "I can't do this without you."

Giles recognized the words. They were the same words that she had uttered on the fateful night that he had gone to destroy Angel, and she had rescued him from what would have been his death. But he knew that this time, she was wrong. She had every capability...oh who was he kidding. He knew that he was being selfish...but he'd never tell her.

He looked up at her. "You can. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if something comes up that you feel that you can't handle, and I'll step in be-because, because..."

He paused, and then sighed. "Because I can't bear to see you suffer."

They both knew that hadn't been what he had wanted to say. That what he had wanted to say was those three little words, the words that would change their relationship irrevocably, but couldn't. It wasn't time.

"Me too. Hate suffering. Had about as much of it as I can take."

The pain in her words was obvious, yet again, but he could think of nothing that would change his decision. They'd never said the words to each other. Buffy had once, but they both knew that had been her way of reassuring herself that she could say the words. He had to bite back the tears as he spoke once more.

"Believe me, I'm loathe to cause you more...but this..."

He paused, unsure of what else to say. They both knew that he loved her, and that she loved him...but neither had ever been willing to do anything about it.

She looked at him, and it was obvious that she was holding back tears.

Giles knew that what he was about to say was true, but it was also the only good excuse he could think of. He didn't _want_ to leave her, good lord no, but he _had_ to. He finally spoke. "I've taught you all I can about being a Slayer, and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life..."

Buffy looked away from him, unable to meet his gaze as the words fell from his lips.

"You...you're not going to trust that until you're forced to stand alone..."

It was suddenly all too much, and everything that was in her thoughts came tumbling forth in a jumble of words that were filled with pain, not even trying to conceal the anguish that she felt at him leaving her.

"But why now? Now that you know where I've been, what I'm going through?"

The thoughts raced through his mind at a mile a minute, but he knew that if even one of them was voiced, he would be gone, lost to her forever and completely unable to leave. He needed her to understand, even if he didn't, why he was doing what he was doing. She _needed_ to understand.

"Now more than ever. The temptation to give up is going to be overwhelming, and I can't let..."

Buffy cut him off. "So I won't! No giving up. You can be here, and I can still be strong." She pleaded with him, her eyes begging him to understand that she needed him...not as a Slayer needed her Watcher, but as a woman needed a man. She needed that shoulder to cry on, not to dump things on.

He had just said that he had taught her everything about being the Slayer, and that her mother taught her everything about life...but he was wrong.

Yes, she knew about being the Slayer...but the truth was, she knew next to nothing about real life.

She admitted to herself that she had never been around much, not when it came to the little things. Because during those times, she was busy with being the Slayer. She knew nothing about real life, and that was what she needed now.

Buffy needed him not to be the Watcher, not to be the book guy. She knew that the rest of the Scooby gang could handle that without a problem. What she needed was the real Giles. The Rupert Giles who had lived a normal life, once upon a time, to tell her how it was done. Not to do it for her.

She didn't just want it...she needed it. After heaven, he was the closest thing to feeling that kind of love that she could find...he was everything.

How did he not see it?

He finally spoke, telling her the words that she couldn't bear to hear. "Buffy, I've thought this over...and over. I believe it's the right thing to do."

As he said the words, he knew that he was lying to her, and to himself. The truth was that he couldn't bear to be parted from her, but she gave him almost no choice. Even though she was back, it was almost the same as when she'd been dead. He could still feel the gaping hole that was in his chest, waiting to be put right again...

She stared at him, her eyes burning.

"You're wrong."

With that, she stood up and strode out of the room, leaving him alone on the couch...and alone with his thoughts and what she had said. She was right. Both of them knew it was wrong...but he couldn't take it any more.

He needed her to find herself again...he wanted _his _Buffy back...

* * *

**Part 11/12**


	12. A Second Chance

**XII. A Second Chance**

* * *

Buffy sat inside the Bronze at the bar, the song from the stage drifting to her ears as she stared into nothing.

[...of all the things I've believed in...I just want to get it over with...tears form behind my eyes...but I do not cry...counting the days that pass me by...I've been searchin' deep down in my soul...words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old...]

She felt like crying. She felt like screaming at the top of her lungs and then going out to take down every single vampire that she could find. Killing until there was nothing left. Nothing left of anything. The words of the song were excruciating to listen to. They were cutting into her with every syllable...

[...feels like I'm starting all over again...the last three years were just pretend...and I said...goodbye to you...goodbye to everything I thought I knew...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold onto...]

...and she could take it no longer.

She got up and left.

As she walked down the road, she wished that it was raining. That's how it always happened in the movies. Whenever something bad happened, it would start to rain, reflecting the dour mood. But instead, it was a gorgeous night, mild with a soft breeze. Not at all conducive to her anger at the injustice of the world.

Everything was falling apart. At least, that was how it felt to her.

She found herself in one of the cemeteries, one of the ones that used to be a regular stop for them on their nightly patrols when they patrolled together...and there was the headstone. The one that was big enough to seat the both of them comfortably.

Where they used to sit and talk, away from the rest of the group...the place that was just for them.

Buffy made her way over to it, and finally let the tears fall. She couldn't hold them in any longer, it hurt too much. It had created an actual physical ache that was gnawing at her, begging to be soothed. So she cried. She pulled herself on top of the cool stone, and she cried. The rest of the words the song came at her like hail stones against her conscience.

[...I used to get lost in your eyes...and it seems that I can't live a day without you...closing my eyes, you chase the thoughts away...to a place where I am blinded by the light...but it's not right...]

At that point, the words hit home. The song was right...she _couldn't_ live a day without him. She had no desire to be alive if he wasn't there. Then the earlier lyrics hit her as well.

She _did_ used to get lost in his eyes.

There had always been an intensity about them that had seemed to see everything about her; everything.

[...goodbye to you...goodbye to everything I thought I knew...you were the one I loved...the one thing that I tried to hold onto...]

When they had been reunited when she had come back, he had made all of her thoughts about wanting to be back in her grave completely disappear. All of them. He had made her want to live, and want to be better. She then remembered a conversation her and her mom had shared when she was in the hospital.

"_Mom...how did you know you were in love?" _

_Her mom sighed. "Well, I guess it was several things. First, I started to care about him more than I did myself. And the second thing, was that he made me want to be better." _

_Buffy was confused. "Better how?" Her mom shrugged slightly. "You know, sweetie...a better person. Though it isn't like that now, I felt for your dad very strongly at one point. He was the man of my dreams." She placed a loving hand on her daughter's face. _

"_Why do you ask, sweetie?" _

_Buffy shrugged. "I don't know...I guess, it's because I don't think I ever really have been. It's always been about me, never really about the other person. What if I don't find it?" _

_Joyce gave her a reassuring smile. "You will, sweetie, you will."_

Her thoughts shifted to the memories throughout the years where she had recognized her love for him.

The Cruciamentum...when he was turned back human from being a demon...when he had come back after she'd been resurrected...all of those times.

[...and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time...I want what's yours and I want what's mine...I want you...but I'm not giving in this time...]

No, she wasn't going to give in. It wasn't worth the agony. She would take each day as it came, and maybe, just maybe, she could prove to Giles that he could come back and she could still be strong. With that thought, she wiped the tears from her eyes and slid from the top of the headstone.

She walked forward, somewhat blindly as she cleaned the remaining vestiges of moisture from her face, and ran into someone.

"Oh, sorry." She then tried to walk around the person, but hands on her shoulders stopped her.

"Excuse me, what are you-?"

Her words stopped as she saw who it was. It was Giles.

Instead of being on a plane heading to back to England, he was standing right in front of her, in a graveyard, on one of the most pleasant nights that it had been in a long while. His intense hazel eyes seemed to search her soul as they stared at one another, both of them trying to find the words to speak.

Buffy still couldn't believing that it was him.

Just as she was about to ask, he spoke. "I couldn't. I was about to get on the plane, when I just realized...I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you, Buffy...god, I-I..."

She smiled, tears returning to her face, this time they were tears of joy. "I know, Giles...I know."

He then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him, trying to convey all of his emotions in the gesture. Buffy knew exactly what he meant, and she hugged him back as tightly as she would allow herself, making sure not to hurt him. She inhaled his scent, remembering their reunion when she had come back from the dead.

This was better.

Because this was forever. They both knew it, they could both feel it in how the other person held onto them.

He slowly pulled back, his hands still clinging tightly to her waist, her arms still on his shoulders, and stared. He then lifted a hand to her face, mimicking his actions from the previous time. "Buffy, I-I...I love you." The words were the sweetest thing that she'd ever heard in her life. She just smiled.

Buffy then raised her hands from his shoulders to his face, placing them lovingly along his jaw line, drawing her thumbs to his lips.

"And I love you...but you knew that, didn't you?"

He nodded. "Yes, I knew. And you knew that I loved you, didn't you?" She nodded, tears still in her eyes.

In an unspoken decision, they leaned in towards each other. He paused for a moment, their noses brushing each other in a sweet caress, just before their lips touched. He then spoke, his breath brushing against her lips, sending shivers down her spine. "How long, Buffy? How long have you loved me?" He could practically feel her smile.

"Since you were fired...you?"

Her breath against his own sent shivers down his own spine, letting him feel some of what she felt. "Since prom night...you were a vision to me. A woman in every sense of the word..."

As those final words were spoken, she felt him lean the rest of the way forward, his lips finally touching her own. And it was perfect. It wasn't fireworks going off, it wasn't hesitant...it was just right. Two people admonishing the fact that they loved each other in every way possible.

Buffy gave herself over to the feeling, knowing that it was going to be like that for the rest of her life.

His lips caressed hers, telling her everything that she needed to know, everything that she ever would know. That he was her life...that without him, it wasn't possible. And that now that each of them had found and fully discovered their individual destinies, it was time to accept this one. That they were each other's destinies.

Though it sounded ridiculous in her mind, almost cliché, Buffy knew in her heart that it was true.

They finally pulled apart, both of them still breathing steady, and looked into each other's eyes. That was when she saw it. What she had never seen in him for all of these years...true happiness. It seemed to radiate from him, and flow into her where they still held each other.

She was happy...and so was he.

It finally occurred to her where they were standing, and she realized that they weren't exactly in the safest place for heart wrenching revelations.

"So," she said, trying to break the quiet. "Would you like to go home, now? I-I mean, to the house?"

He noticed what she had said, and just smiled. He slid his arm into hers, holding her tightly to his side as they began to walk out of the cemetery. "I'd be delighted to come home with you, Buffy..." At those words, she looked up at him and smiled. Things were going to be okay...they really were.

Because they'd been given their chance...

...finally.

* * *

**Part 12/12**

**THE END **

**(I hope that you enjoyed it! (again))**


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